If the manly man, Tim “the Toolman” Taylor, could design a week to show manliness, it would look like this past week. [Insert Tim Taylor manly grunts of glee] Testosterone was in the air as there were three bouts of cage-fight toughness that were heard clear around the world. In each case, a manly winner was crowned as he stood over his conquest triumphantly like a Captain Morgan cartoon.
First Match: Obama vs. McChrystal
In the first bout of manliness, it was the lanky leader of liberty, the president without precedent, Barack Obama! In the other corner, the General who was a little too specific, Stanley McChrystal! As background, this week Rolling Stone Magazine published some very unflattering quotes by General McChrystal about his Commander-in-Chief.
However, In his defense, McChrystal undoubtedly felt completely protected by the knowledge that Rolling Stone Magazine is down to perhaps a half dozen readers who still think Mick Jaggar is cool. But – Google News got the best of McCrystal and his article was eventually discovered by the President.
In the end, it was clearly evident as to who was “da man”, as Obama summoned the General to the White House only to dismiss McChrystal like a child sent to his room.
Second Match: Faulkner vs. Bin Laden
Then, in the second bout of Manliness, it’s a bearded construction worker from Colorado, Gary Faulkner, in the midst of a world-wide search for Osama bin Laden. Frankly, in a real bout of manliness, this really isn’t much of a contest. Consider this: Faulkner carries a 40 inch sword on his hunt. Really! And night vision goggles. [Insert more grunts of glee] And he’s searching Pakistan
to avenge the victims of the 9/11 attack by Bin Laden. While Bin Laden is cowering in a cave with knees rattling, Faulkner is going all bounty hunter on him. I’m not sure how good Faulkner is at his quest, but he’s making Chuck Norris start to look like a regular guy.
Final Match: Isner vs. Mahut
Lastly, it was the battle to end all battles. The bout where two athletes exchanged shots like Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed for three straight days. [More grunts of glee] It was the giant-sized, 6’9″ American John Isner vs. the Frenchman Nicolas Mahut. While the two guys played tennis, they showed the grit and raw of those guys from the movie, 300.
Then after three days and a world-record later, John Isner won before he collapsed in exhaustion. 11 hours and 5 minutes of swinging the racquet, and over eight hours just in the fifth set alone. The MullerOver editors tip our collective hats to the ultimate manliness of Isner.
So – there you have it. Three men who showed the world who’s da man. Next, we just have to get Obama, Faulkner and Isner in a cage match to settle this thing once and for all. [insert even more grunts of glee]