Yes Virginia, There Is a Snow Monster
Ever get the impression that nature is just messing with us now? Virginia is hit
Bewildered Virginia residents trying to comprehend the magical white powder from the sky
with the biggest snow storm in their history while the Winter Olympics in Canada gets rain and fog. Even Dallas and Atlanta received snow on the day of the Opening Ceremony. The irony is palpable.
In fact, this week, the Washington Bureau of MullerOver.com called in and claimed they couldn’t even open the doors to their houses. Likely story. So, this week’s edition will have little commentary on national politics while we wait for them to dig out and make it back into the press room. Onto the (non-political) news!
New Land called “Canada” discovered.
On Friday, the Winter Olympics opened in Vancouver, Canada. Around the world, nations gathered together in amazement and child-like awe to learn that Canada is
Canadian Spokespeople, Bob and Doug McKenzie
actually a real country. A Muldovian newscast opened with, ”New land discovered! We thought it was a fictional fantasy like Atlantis or Unicorns. We’re amazed that this place called Cane-ada [SIC] actually has human activity.” The discovery of Canada may revolutionize the map-making industry world wide.
Some may ask our editors, “What do you have against Canada.” To borrow a classic line from SNL, “Unfortunately a northern border.”
Buzzed off Google
Google Addressing the World
Google is at it again. The Search Engine this week launched a new Twitter-like service called “Buzz” and announced plans to deliver Internet to residential homes at an astounding 1 Gbps. Additionally, the ubiquitous web site unveiled a scheme to develop a world-wide army and implant microchips in the brain lobes of all living things so thoughts can now be indexed and searchable.
In other news, Google this week changed their corporate motto from, “Don’t be evil” to “Just try to stop us now. Bwaah ha ha ha ha”.
We thought it was odd that they’d incorporate an evil laugh in their motto, but it’s Google and we’re afraid to question them.
Toyota’s Problems Continue
The problems of the world’s biggest car maker, Toyota, continued this week as pictures of the the auto giant and Vegas strippers came to light. OK – we made that part up, but it seems like things get progressively worse every day for the company. In fact, their PR team was seen huddled in the corner of their world headquarters sucking their thumbs and rocking back and forth.
Awkward Wrap Up
So, that’s the news for this week. By next week, we expect the Olympics to be renamed, the “Googlympics”, and another apology from Toyota that all cars now only play songs from Charo and Willie Nelson regardless of the station.