Things to Mull Over for the Week Ending Oct. 17, 2009
For this week’s blog, our editors voted to dive into the ever growing mailbag. To our shock, one piece of mail wasn’t a cookware catalog or invoice, so we had to answer it.
Dear MullerOver,
Do you have advice on how to avoid the H1N1 virus?
- Paranoid in Pasadena
Dear Paranoid,
You’ve come to the right place. So far, our comprehensive strategy has been 100% effective in keeping the Swine Flu out of our offices. For example, our office manager has completely cut ham and bacon from our breakfast pizza. (Good thinking, Smitty!) Jimmy, our editor has taken to only opening doors through a Karate Kid-style jump kick. We’ve learned to approach doors with caution now. And – Serena from Accounting has adopted the Howie Mandel fist bump followed by obligatory finger explosion every time she starts a conversation. Well, actually, that one is just annoying. So Paranoid, there you go. Vaccine, Schmaxine. And now – onto what to mull over this week.
What’s That About 15 Minutes of Fame?
There’s two families this week who seem to have greatly exceeded their 15 minutes of fame quota. First is [blank] of “— and Kate plus Eight”. Never before has a person gotten so famous while being such a slug. As you can see, we refuse to add a second more to his overexposure.
Balloon Boy or Hot Air?
Second is the father of the boy who supposedly took off in the helium balloon flying all around Colorado. Honestly, this seemed a little fishy to us from they moment CNN glommed on to the drama as if O.J. Simpson had escaped from prison in slow-speed flying saucer chase. For those who know the background, either the father made up the story for publicity, causing his six year old untold anxiety and making the boy puke on national TV (really happened) – or- he’s telling the truth, and his apparent violent temper caused the six-year old to hide in the attic for safety for five hours. Either way – he’s this week’s winner of world’s worst dad.
Wait – I forgot again about [blank] of “— and Kate plus Eight” fame! Let’s call it a tie.
Dow Hits 10,000 … for the second time
Traders Showing Childlike Awe
Woo hoo! The Dow hit 10,000! Wait – 10,000? Two years ago, if we heard the Dow would would be 10,000, we’d be running for the caves with a pellet gun and our mountain-man survival kit.
But – we’ll celebrate the little wins. Who knew that the Base10 numbering system would cause so much excitement!
Senator Olympia Snowe Joins Democrats in Support of Healthcare Bill
This week, Senator Olympia Snowe did the unthinkable – a political gaff from which she just may never be able to fully recover. She made a vote based on her convictions rather than party leadership! [Insert your own shocked murmur sound effect] Ms. Snowe was the sole Republican who voted for the proposed Healthcare bill in the Senate Finance committee, opening herself to ridicule and being called a traitor by her colleagues.
Now – I’m not taking a stand on that particular bill. I’m taking a stand on
Olympia Snowe Looking Especially Deliberative
taking a stand. Since when is it the top news story in the nation when someone simply makes up their mind independently from their party?
Face it – the Senate is worse than a Jr. High school cafeteria. They’re acting like the football quarterback was caught sitting with the chess club. [insert more shocked murmuring audio]. Regardless, here’s to Senator Snowe! I’d rather take a fall using my own two feet than standing up as a marionette.
The Week’s Witty Wrap-up
So – there you have it. Everything you need to know for the week ending October 17, 2009 from H1N1 avoidance tips to how to be outcast from the Senate cool table at lunch. And here’s to more ridiculous items in the upcoming week that haven’t happened yet.