If you look closely, you can see the competence leaking from their heads
You know that feeling. You’re in a corporate conference room and a speaker comes to the front to present a new policy of cover sheets on your TPS Reports. They distribute a print out which includes of all the slides they’re about to present. It’s 37 slides of 10 point text!
A wave of panic overcomes you while blood rushes from your face. You glance over to the windows, but are crushed to find your one possible escape hatch doesn’t open. You wonder if texting a bomb scare could be traced back to you. You are then resigned to losing 90 minutes of your life going over five minutes of information.
Millions of doodles are done each day in American conference rooms because of PowerPoint. In fact, the bad ones have been called “hypnotizing chickens”. And while this has been the bane of the corporate world, a new study by the Editorial Staff of MullerOver has found that Microsoft PowerPoint presentations don’t just kill white-collar brain cells, but actually threaten national security. It’s true. Read more »
You might have seen that Facebook has now crossed 350,000,000 users. Really! The MullerOver editors did some fact checking on Wikipedia, and it turns out that if Facebook was a country, it would be the third largest in the world behind China and India. Like any country, the social networking site has it’s share of idiosyncrasies.
For instance, Facebook has become that gossipy friend everyone telling everyone what you’re doing. Each day, it announces to all your friends, “I heard that Jim is now friends with Betty Sue. I’m just telling you what I heard.” Try to now plan a surprise party without Facebook being that friend that ruins everything. Facebook’s live feed would announce, “Chris is planning a surprise party for you.”
And another thing … do you remember when MySpace was cool? Now, mention MySpace to a Facebook user and you’ll receive a superior snort of derision. That’s SOOO 2005. Or what about the omnipresent founder of MySpace named Tom (pictured left – you remember him). Believe it or not, since he is a human, he now has a Facebook page as well. That’s like George Steinbrenner caught wearing a Red Sox cap or Bill Gates typing away on a Mac Book Pro at Starbucks. Or Michael Moore putting a “Palin in 2012″ bumpersticker on his Hummer.
And another thing … what’s with all these MafiaWars gifts we get everyday? I’ve got enough imaginary lead pipes and sawed off shotguns to take on an imaginary army. I’m really not sure what MafiaWars is all about, but based on how often its played, it seems to be more addictive than crack. I’m wondering if Mafia Wars should be regulated by the FDA. We’re worried about legalizing marijuana when these addicted Mafia Wars people have been sitting in a dark room surrounded by empty pizza boxes.
Then again, maybe that would solve our prison overcrowding problem. Instead of putting them in cells, just give the criminals a Facebook account with Mafia Wars and we’d never hear from them again. Read more »
Politicians debating the merits of a spending bill
It’s early November in a year that ends with an odd number. You know what that means. Yep – local elections! Is there anything that better proves that we’re all a heartbeat away from a third world country than watching two grandmothers running against each other for county legislature? It’s the civility of a Michael Vick dog fight crossed with the class and dignity of a “Hee Haw” rerun. Local elections bring a special kind of lunacy that make us wonder if Canada is that bad afterall.
Come to think of it, why do politicans always say they’re fighting for stuff? I’ve never seen any fights break out in the government, (except that You Tube video from South Korea which is awesome by the way). You’ll hear them say, “I’ll fight for more jobs” or ”I fought for lower taxes”, but never see who they knocked out to get it, or who the insane politician was who wanted to double taxes that required intervention with brass knuckles. In fact, since they already claim to be fighting all over the place, I think that just might work better. Forget the votes and debate. Today in the assembly, last one standing gets to choose the monetary policy. Read more »
So I’m writing this while on the plane finally flying home from O’Hare after a three hour layover, and came up with a new MullerOver segment called “And Another Thing!” It’s quiet, dark, and my knees taste funny.
In thinking about my time at O’Hare, I remember the nice intercom woman who warned everyone that the current threat level is high at “Orange”. I thought, “Orange”! That’s not good. I looked around – and everyone looked suspicious. They were going about their day, wheeling their luggage behind them which is exactly how a terrorist would act. I wondered if I should tackle that woman over there and put her in a headlock until authorities arrive? Then again, she might hit me with her walking cane. Read more »