Random Thoughts

New York Representatives Take Drastic Action in Support of Ailing Comedy Industry

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New York State is synonymous with the best in comedy. The state boasts hilarious locations that would make anyone laugh like Saturday Night Live, the Jon Stewart Show, or the New York State Assembly Chamber. However, just as the state took a hit with the Wall St. collapse, comedy clubs are now finding that during this recession, things just aren’t as funny anymore.

Weiner with a gimmee to Jon Stewart

Elected leaders in New York saw this challenge and just as they bailed out the banks and General Motors, they now decided to bail out the ailing comedy industry.  But this time, they decided to not do it with checks, but by giving an endless supply of ridiculous fodder to comedians.

“We just want to help where needed. We love this state, and don’t mind making ourselves look like incompetent buffoons in the name of economic growth,” commented an anonymous New York representative to MullerOver.com.

And grow it did. The comedy industry in New York has blossomed to the point where virtually every citizen is now an amateur comedian.  ”We love it.  They make jokes so obvious and easy, I don’t even have to think to make a joke anymore,” said a Utica stay-at-home mom and now part-time comedian. Read more »

How the Grinch Stole Our Freedom

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It’s Memorial Day ten years after the two numbers that are instantly recognizable by the world – nine eleven. Bin Laden is dead and stadiums are chanting “U – S – A!”. We won, and that’s that. The whole country is chest bumping one another in victory.  And for years, I’ve had holes in my socks and no one ever knew.

But here’s the thing. Look at this from a terrorist perspective. The average, pre-9/11 run-of-the-mill terrorist hated the United States. Hated our freedom, the Golden Globes, baseball’s seventh inning stretch, Thursday night must-see TV, and Fourth of July parades. It’s not that they didn’t like the Twin Towers or the people of New York City, but they despised the American culture.

Remember “The Grinch that Stole Christmas”? Think of the Grinch looking down on Who-ville with all the people singing in unison. That was Bin Laden and his minions looking down at the United States singing our brand of freedom. A country ruled by its people.  The greatest and most  successful political experiment in the history of the planet. They hated that singing and resolved to stop it.

And just like the Grinch, they snuck in and stole our stuff when we weren’t looking. Read more »

Sheen, Kutcher, plan most elaborate “Punk’d” to date

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In a MullerOver world exclusive, we now have breaking details on the most elaborate episode of the hit show, Punk’d, ever imagined.  

Our MullerOver celebrity correspondent, Wendy, took a tour of Warner Brother studios last September when her copy of her NY Times crosswords flew out of her hand and behind a car.  While leaving the tour group to grab the wayward puzzle, she knelt beside the a Prius and heard an incredible conversation between Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher, who apparently did not realize that Wendy was within earshot.

Kutcher reportedly said to Sheen, “Dude, we could make the most legendary punk ever leaving the entire entertainment world with egg on their face.”  Kutcher went on to explain to Sheen how he would develop a persona that would make Lady GaGa look like a cruise ship lounge act. Read more »

It’s Time to Break the Silence on Time Zone Unification

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While our editorial board was having trouble falling asleep after three days in the Pacific timezone, our research director, Jimmy, started to think. People all over the country are suffering from a slight case of jet lag when traveling around the United States.

But no one wants to talk about it. You probably won’t hear a single Presidential candidate willing to debate the problem. It’s the third rail of politics. You can take my healthcare; you can take my social security; but don’t you dare touch my time zones.

Let’s talk about it. At MullerOver, we’re not afraid.

Where in the constitution does it say we’re entitled to four time zones? Or six if you count Alaska and Hawaii as real states.

Here’s our proposal. We revert to our founding principles of the entire nation being on Eastern time. No longer would TV announcers need to give a separate time for Central Time. No more will football games start at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday mornings on the West Coast.  Mountain Time Zone residents can finally get over their inferiority complex. Read more »

The Legend of Casey at Bat: The Day Casey Heynes Finally Fought Back

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He’s a bully’s worst nightmare.  We’ve now heard reports of bullies worldwide sleeping with the lights on.  They’re walking in packs out of fear.  They pushed just a little too far.  And now, it’s different.

His name is Casey Heynes, and although only 15, by unanimous consent worldwide, he’s being hailed as a hero.  Tens of thousands have posted their thanks.  He doesn’t have a cape, but he’s something special.

First, let me give you some background.  Casey is a slightly stout 15 year old from Sydney, Australia.  He’s always had a limited number of friends.  In fact, at the start of this year, he could tell you exactly how many: eight.  Then, as pretty much every school age kid could understand, he began to take mocking from the so-called popular crowd and  somehow became socially toxic.  His eight friends decided to save their hides and left him and Casey found himself all alone.  Completely unprotected in the high school jungle, the beatings ramped up.  Every day. Read more »

Waiting for the “Obama Moment”

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Dear President Obama,

Sorry to write this in such a public way, but I wasn’t sure of your address and I’m hoping when you Google your name, this post comes up.  Mr. President, we have a lot of problems. The economy fluctuates so much that it makes Charlie Sheen seem stable.  There are madmen in the oil rich countries using billions in American oil money to finance terrorism and oppress their people.  Today, there still is millions of gallons of oil biodegrading in the Gulf of Mexico, greenhouse gases in the atmosphere,  iodine pills are sold out because of the failures of the six Japanese nuclear plants, and it seems that miners are constantly being trapped in collapsed coal mines.  In short, our energy strategy is seemingly non-existent.

And – therein lies the opportunity for greatness.  To get your image carved into Mt. Rushmore next to Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson and the other guy.

Sir, in 1963, Martin Luther King Jr. changed the face of discrimination in a moment at the Mall in Washington.  In 1961, there was the Kennedy moment when he dared us to put a man on the moon.  In 1987, the Reagan moment resonated around the world when he implored Gorbechev to tear down the Berlin Wall.

Mr. President, we need the Obama moment.  This time, the moment is to change how the world uses energy. Read more »

American Idol Season 10 Predictions – Female Vocalists

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Today, we’re releasing the annual MullerOver advance rankings of the American Idol singers in the top 24. Although the talent is different each year, this year seems disproportionately weighted with the men.  In fact, we believe the top three will all be men in the Season 10.  In addition to these top six female contestants, be sure to also view our top six male contestants. Read more »

American Idol Season 10 Predictions – Male Vocalists

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Today, we’re releasing the annual MullerOver advance rankings of the American Idol singers in the top 24.  The editorial staff has gone through over a dozen hours of American Idol Season 10 footage, and after three white boards, seven pots of coffee and some heated board-room arguments, we finally have decided on this year’s predictions for the top six male vocalists, ranked to the number one. Read more »

The protests for (and against) democracy

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There are protests in the Mid East.  And there are protests in the Midwest.  You almost don’t feel part of the world without a picket sign in your hand.  But take a closer look at the protests and you’ll see some very significant differences.

In the Mid East, it started with a Tunisian fruit merchant, Mohamed Bouaziz.  The corrupt police would routinely confiscate his fairly expensive scale and demand a bribe to have it returned.  Bouaziz saw his equipment being taken away.  Again.  Bouaziz saw his rights being taken away.  Again.  He hit the proverbial breaking point and did something so incredible, so shocking that it ignited a firestorm across the region that won’t soon be extinguished. Read more »

Look at us now! We’ve finally cured Narcissism

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Paris, gazing intently into the eyes of the love of her life

It’s all over the papers.  First Polio, and now we’ve finally cured Narcissism!   No longer do we have to worry about thinking too highly of ourselves.  In fact, I’m going to tweet that.

Here’s the thing.  The NY Times reported this week that the latest version of the authoritative book for mental-health professionals, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, will no longer list narcissism as a disorder. They previously defined narcissism as  ”a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts.”  Or – it’s thinking too highly of ourselves.

I would write a letter to complain about the removal of narcissism, but I’m too busy writing my blog and updating my Facebook page. Read more »