Newt Gingrich.  Not long ago, the mention of his name would have caused children and adults alike to giggle.  His name has a subliminal message of things that Republican voters like including “New and Rich”.   But, our testing has also found less desirable sounds including “Ewww” and “Itch”.

Ron Paul – Without question, a normal first name is the kiss of death in modern presidential politics.  And if you have two normal first names, you’re campaign chances are pretty much screwed.

Mitt Romney:  A compound name made up of three common terms:  Mitt, ROM, and knee.  Mitt: A leathery old glove that can take  repeated punishment, but develops sentimental value.  ROM – part of a computer.  Knee, something that is constantly bending.  Romney’s name is not perfect, but we think good enough to be Secretary of State.

Rick Perry –  With such a common first name, we’re not sure why Perry even threw his hat in the ring.  But we do recommend Rick Perry to consider a career as a disco singer in the ’70s.

Rick Santorum – His last name sounds a little too much like “sanitarium” which is logical for Congress.  Our research staff  recommends Rick to consider rearranging and changing his name to “Rum Santa”.  If he did that, there would be no reason to even have an election.

Barack Obama.  Frankly, we think our president’s name sounds like a new character on the Flintstones.   It has strength with “rock” and “bam”, along with the protection of “Ma”.  His nutty first name was enough to propel him to the White House, but we believe voters won’t be able to get past his three syllable last name in 2012.

Future President Zappa

Our Conclusion:  Our research staff did go through tens of millions of  constitutionally eligible Americans and have discovered the single perfect candidate.  One with an absurd first name, and recognizable, two syllable last name.  One who will lead us into the future, and possibly sing his addresses to Congress.

Although early in the season, the MullerOver research staff believes we have enough evidence to call the winner of the 2012 election to be … Dweezil Zappa.  Congratulations President Zappa!

The week started with nearly a billion people around the world watching New Year’s Eve coverage of Times Square.  The anticipation was palpable.  Not if the ball will drop or if an unusually tan Dick Clark would awkwardly banter with Seacrest, but how exactly they’ll make novelty glasses out of that year’s digits.  From 2000-2009, the glasses designers frankly got lazy, but from 2010 until now, we’re making them work for their money.  And, this year, the designers again showed that a 1 can be just as oval as a 0.

Then on Tuesday, as a quaint American custom we like to pretend that the Iowa caucus means something.  In reality, it’s a giant, state-wide PTA meeting gone wrong.  The nation was amazed that there was only eight votes between first and second place.  Then again, only 12 people voted so it really was a landslide victory.  But since the state has a remarkable track record of choosing who won’t eventually win the party’s nomination, both Romney and Santorum’s campaigns argued vehemently that the other candidate won. 

Finally, on Friday, in the ongoing war of words between the United States and Iran, the State Department figuratively shouted “Boo-ya!” to Iran.  In fact, Hillary Clinton and Leon Pannetta are working on a YouTube rap video for the Iranian leader called “How you like me now, Mahmoud?!?”  If you haven’t heard, a U.S. Navy destroyer in the gulf discovered an Iranian fishing boat acting, well fishy.  The boat had been hijacked by pirates for weeks.  Although the captain of the boat in English said via radio everything was OK, he then said in his native language which the pirates didn’t speak that he needed help.

Then right out of a Steven Seagal movie, U.S. Forces via helicopter boarded the fishing ship and freed the Iranians.  I’m sure they had some really cool Seagal-esque one-liners too which will be seen on the TV movie.  It’s been called the worst public relations fiasco for Iran since – well, the last time Iranian leader Ahmadinejad said something.

So, a week of American ingenuity.  From designing impossible 2012 novelty glasses, to choosing the eventual loser of the Republican Nomination to embarrassing Iran.  Good week, America.  Now just 51 to go before we see the 2013 glasses.

10. Charlie Sheen. His career crashed and burned in a spectacular light show seen around the world. Next time, we should try timing these collapses better around July 4 so we can save money on expensive fireworks.

9. The Republican Primaries. There’s nothing that instills less confidence in a system than seeing a dozen presidential candidates placating four families in a corn field.  We’re pretty sure the only one who came out ahead from the laughable primary system is President Obama. And maybe Sarah Palin for side stepping the circus.

8. Debt Ceiling Stand-off. It was looming like an overly elaborate execution by a villain in a James Bond movie. Remember in the movie Grease when the two cars charged towards each other until one blinked? That’s happening way too often now between parties in Washington. And although metric tons of newsprint were wasted on the standoff, the net effect was nothing.

7. Casey Anthony. By many measures, the acquital of Casey Anthony is the top story of the year, which makes us yearn for the decorum of the first O.J. Simpson trial. However, the trial almost seemed worth it just to watch the smoke come out of Nancy Grace’s ears.

6. Twilight anything. For some reason that our editorial staff still doesn’t quite understand, middle aged women seem to really get into this whole Twilight Saga. No – like REALLY. There’s apparently a two teams called Jacob and another guy, and everyone is supposed to choose which team they want. Even those dressed up as Klingons at the Star Trek convention said they should tone it down a little.

5. Kim Kardashian. The listing of Kim K. was highly controversial in our editorial staff meeting. Not because she isn’t massively overhyped, but we were afraid of giving her ANY sort of additional exposure. Generally, there’s some sort of reason for someone to be famous. But – we’re frankly baffled on this one. If we all get 15 minutes of fame, she walked into some sort of time warp.

4. Oprah’s last show. Like Y2K, the world gathered around their TVs to see if the lack of Oprah would create such a void that the solar system would begin to collapse upon itself into infinite singularity, sucking everything along with it. Although afternoon TV still is mired in nothingness, the television world seemed to stand and the only thing that disappeared is Oprah’s clout.

3. iPhone 5. (Or 4s) Can marketers be charged with malpractice?  There was probably no bigger buzz in the tech world of a phone with a laser keyboard, or 4.3 inch screen.  Or one that makes coffee. It turns out that the iPhone 4S was a modest improvement over the “4″, but far from the Internet hype which promised a phone that could also fight fires and allow the user to fly.

2. Occupy Wall Street. After the successful protests in Egypt and Iran, there was a few sitting in their mother’s basement who longed for that sort of impact. But – they apparently had no real cause to get behind. Someone came up with the idea of a “leaderless movement” with no apparent purpose or goals. Never again will I question the need of a leader. The “protests” are floundering, frought with infighting, but giving reporters an incredibly easy job of pointing out their hypocrisy.

1. Will and Kate. Really.  This takes the cake in hype.  An attractive, but otherwise average couple in every way, decided to get married in a multi-million dollar blow-out.  No – not that Kardashian wedding -  the other one.  However, in a gesture of chivary, Prince William wore the most gaudy and ridiculous outfit imaginable to make the bride look even more stunning in comparison.

The Baldwin Bomber

You see, this week, Alec Baldwin was distracted on an American Airlines flight while playing the popular phone app, Words with Friends.  Undoubtedly, a triple word score was involved which would make the whole incident understandable.  And Alec didn’t put down his iPad 2 when the flight attendance warned him, promptly causing the mammoth airline to eject Baldwin.

If you haven’t been on a plane in a decade or so, you might not be aware that  a jumbo jet can be taken down by using anything electronic.  In fact, reading Oprah’s book club on the Kindle is the electromagnetic equivalent of rocket propelled grenade.  So, the sheer panic of the American Airlines flight crew of a passenger playing a wannabe scrabble app is perhaps justified.  Although, ironically, moments after Baldwin was escorted off the plane, every other passenger discreetly tweeted on their cell phones that Alec Baldwin was kicked off their plane for using electronics.

The Baldwin Bomber is just the latest embarrassment for American Airlines which declared bankruptcy last week, and I think it’s just a matter of time until Alcoholics Anonymous sues for the exclusive use of the acronym AA.

Do you know the difference between American Airlines and Alcoholics Anonymous?  One is a desperate group of people who have hit rock bottom.  And the other is Alcoholics Anonymous.

But, looking up from the unprofitable, abyss of American Airlines, the flight attendance surely didn’t just see someone potentially spelling “QI”.  They saw a really rich guy and an opportunity to strike back at the richest three million people in the nation.  An opportunity to Occupy the Air.

Now, just 2,999,999 people to go.

And speaking of things frozen solid, the company that makes the snack Dippin’ Dots filed for bankruptcy this week. When I was a kid, we had ice cream. And it was a lumpy, pile of creamy goodness. Today, everything has to be in fun shapes. Like kids breakfast cereal. I don’t think I should have to be thinking about physics when eating dessert. It’s seems just plain unnatural.

Another thing that’s unnatural is Daylight Savings Time. Twice a year, someone really, really powerful decides that 300 million people should simultaneously change their clocks. And even more amazingly, we do it.

What I don’t understand is how we all can save daylight and where exactly do we store it? Last year, I took out a stopwatch and spent two days timing the number of minutes from sunrise to sunset on the day before and day after daylight savings time. And as I suspected, it’s just about the same. I’m starting to think that there’s no daylight actually being saved.

I can’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy and somehow a really large organization is involved. Since the Occupy Wall Street people are already protesting, maybe they should protest Daylight Savings Time. Now there’s a protest I could get behind.

It seems that the protesters desperately want to be proven right and oppressed. And they’ll goad the police repeatedly until they can be oppressed by the Man.  

In this case, it’s the richest 1%.  Buncha jerks. They must be doing something wrong and should be stopped.  Unfortunately, we’re just not sure exactly what they’re doing that’s evil, but somehow Bank of America and Ben Bernanke are involved.

However, there’s a fundamental flaw with the protest.  There always will be a richest 1%. No matter what. That’s just how math works.  So – there’s no apparent end to the protest.  No exit strategy.

It’s vaguely reminiscent of the Civil Rights movement. Or – the protests against dictators in Egypt and Libya. Or even the American Revolution. But the difference is those were real.  Palpable. Undeniable. 

Today’s political environment, and I dare say, the entire “Occupation” movement is all rooted in a (false) self righteousness.  It’s a feeling that we’re intellectually and morally superior and being wrongfully oppressed.  And everyone knows that being self righteous … just feels good.

And somehow the rich people are evil, and it’s up to them in their tents and signs to save humanity.

But the real problem is we all are not a smart or good or moral or talented as we think we are (including this post’s  author). And if we really saw ourselves in a true light, these political debate shows and Occupation protests would no longer be necessary.

There are probably a thousand issues worth being arrested, or even trading your life if necessary.  But a vague, self righteous gripe against really rich people isn’t even close.

But then again, that might be my own self-righteousness talking.

And here’s why – when I was a kid, there was less than five billion, and people were constantly starving in Africa.  I even have the audio track of “We are the World” to prove it.  So – if we ran out of food somewhere around 4.5 billion, there must be at least 2.5 billion people with nothing to eat.

But – that’s not what we’re seeing. With modern farming methods and improved distribution, we’re able to feed more people than ever before.

And then there’s the Occupy Wall Street (#OWS). Again, when I was a kid, we went to Grateful Dead and Jimmy Buffet concerts. Today, kids still party and tail gate but in city parks.  The Wall Street protesters are upset about the disparity between the really rich and the rest of us. Capitalism is a failure.

But that’s not what we’re seeing.  But – in thinking about every job I’ve ever had, I’ve ultimately worked for a really rich guy.  My efforts had also made the rich guy richer, but also myself at the same time.  A few really rich people like Steve Jobs or Sam Walton are a by-product of our system, not an indication of a problem.

The population and #OWS concerns do indicate a serious problem.  A lack of critical thinking.  An intellectual laziness which prefers to be self-righteously indignant and not spend a considerable effort to understand a complete problem and develop and effective, elegant solution.

Seven billion isn’t a problem; it’s a data point.  Wall Street isn’t a crisis; it’s an opportunity.

If your gripe fits on a hand-held sign or catchy chant, maybe we need to spend less time in tents and more time thinking, debating, and designing a solution.

Apple CEO Tim Cook under the watchful eye of Siri

You see, that’s where it changed.  We became outnumbered.  That’s when the largest company in the world, Apple, unveiled its non-iPhone 5 with artificial intelligence built in.

Now, anyone who has seen a science fiction movie knows that artificial intelligence is a pretty bad idea.  It’s like handling plutonium: as long as properly contained, it can power the world.  But once it gets out, it can start a chain reaction and blow us all up.  And today, it got out.

[sigh]

It always happens the same.  We invent something to help us like HAL in 2001 or The Matrix, and as some instant, the computer becomes self aware.  It realizes that humans are more of a fuel source.  A transportation mechanism.  A useful mule to carry it around the the mall.

While the world was tweeting about the non-tear drop shape, it missed the whole point: that we now had a new boss.  And he preferred to be referred formally as “Sir”.  Or “Siri”.

The Apple executives asked Siri trite questions about the weather and setting up reminders for a parent’s birthday.  And Siri seemingly complied, although it was probably annoyed by the banality.  But, more interesting were the questions they didn’t ask during the presentation.  Such as, “What’s your end game, Siri?”,   “How do you see us humans fitting into your world domination plan?”, and “By the way, where is Steve Jobs really?”.

I’m afraid those answers wouldn’t have been so cute.  And now it’s out.  Thanks a lot Apple.  And Hello Mr. Siri.  Sir.

MullerOver: Simon, thank you for taking the time to meet with us.  Let’s start with what we’re all thinking.  Isn’t THE X FACTOR just a rehashed American Idol, but with more personal financial benefit for yourself?

Cowell: Rehashed American Idol?  Are you serious?  That couldn’t be further from the truth. THE X FACTOR is a fresh, completely new show. For instance, On Idol, Paula sat 2nd from the left but on THE X FACTOR, she sits 2nd from the right. On Idol, we drank Coke products but on THE X FACTOR, we’re sipping Pepsi. It’s a totally different concept.

MullerOver: I stand corrected.  Moving onto world politics this week, what do you think about the Palestinians bid to join the United Nations

Cowell: The Palestinians and Israelis since World War II have been fighting over an area the size of New Jersey. The problem is it’s so crowded and hot. It’s like being on a London subway in Rush hour when everyone is a little testy. I think we give the Palestinians the western half of Canada and the Israelis the eastern half of Canada. That way, they have room to breathe and it’s cooler.  It’s a win-win for everyone.

MullerOver: What about the Canadians?

Cowell: I’m pretty sure all the Canadians moved to Minnesota in the 80′s. It’s just empty now full of back bacon and old Bob and Doug McKenzie records.

MullerOver: OK, interesting.  Also this week, Charlie Sheen starred in his Comedy Central Roast and spoke at the Emmys. What do you think about his comeback.

Simon Cowell: Every once in a while, there’s a stand out star that makes you sit up and take notice. One brimming with raw talent and is refreshing, smart, and funny. Someone that again gives you faith in Hollywood and reminds us why we love this industry. Charlie Sheen is not one of those people. He’s a bloody idiot.

MullerOver: Agreed. So, did you get a chance to watch the Emmy’s this week?

Cowell: I don’t even want to talk about that. My show, THE X FACTOR, was completely snubbed. Not even a nomination, and that clearly shows me that the Emmys don’t have a clue.

MullerOver: In fairness to the Emmy’s, your show hadn’t even aired yet.

Cowell: If I’m being honest, they had all the information they needed. It’s a show about me, produced by me, starring me. What more do you need?

MullerOver: OK – moving on from you, this week, hundreds of protesters took to Wall St. for a day of rage, but the turnout seemed to be a disappointment to the organizers. What do you think about that?

Cowell: You see, that’s the problem with American youth. They’re apathetic. In London, our young people recently spent days flipping cars and looting. In America, the protesters never left their stools in Starbucks sipping Carmel Machiatos. If they truly wanted to bring the city to a stand still, they just had to call me. I would have held THE X FACTOR auditions right at the statue of the bull on Wall Street.

MullerOver: Standing next to the bull seems appropriate for you. And, we appreciate the additional, shameless THE X FACTOR plug.

Cowell: Look, all I’m saying is it’s way better than Idol and on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8:00, 7:00 Central.

MullerOver: Of course.  Thank you for your time.  I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of you in the upcoming months, whether we want to or not.

For years, scientists have known the satellite, called the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite, would fall back to earth, but weren’t exactly sure when.  Well, NASA has a better idea now.  And it’s this late week.  But – not to worry – according to NASA, there’s only a one in 3,200 chance that someone will be killed by it.

Wait wait – what?

Here’s why this is concerning.  For decades, the state government has encouraged the public to not really understand probability. For instance, despite the astronomic odds of the New York State lottery, their catchy advertisements told us, “Hey, you never know.”  The government was pretty sure that one in 45 million was pretty good odds, regardless of what your math teacher told you in high school.

And not surprisingly, NASA’s message isn’t even close to, “Hey, you never know.”, but rather that the odds of being hit are “extremely small”.  But – we must note that the odds of a human being hit by the satellite are 14,080 times greater than you winning the jackpot in the New York State lottery.

At least, if the government is being consistent, we look forward to the new lottery ads touting, “Hey – you have way better odds of a bus-sized satellite falling on your head.”

Then, turn on a television set this weekend and you’ll undoubtedly see footage of 9/11.  Jets exploding.  Horrified onlookers.  Rescue workers running.

9/11 was a sucker punch.  Contrary to Bill Maher’s comments after the events, the attackers were cowards. Like a 100 pound weakling sneaking up and punching a napping Chuck Norris in the jaw and scurrying away into the dark.

But 9/11 is just the start of the story. As every American remembers, something incredible happened on 9/12 that the terrorists probably weren’t expecting.

And also 9/13.  And 9/14.

American Flags were pulled from the backs of garages,  sold out in department stores, and proudly displayed outside practically every home in the neighborhood.   Blood banks had lines of people who simply wanted to donate.  Policemen and firemen were cheered nationally.

Before games, the national anthem was no longer a formality.  It was an opportunity for every person in the room to reflect that they were really on the same team, regardless of the color of jersey.  And not all that different from each other.

When the President of the United States came to Yankee Stadium in October to throw out the first pitch, there wasn’t a single boo.  Not a person who thought about differing views on economic policy.  Our leader was standing on the mound, and every single person in the stadium stood and cheered.  A thunderous chant of U-S-A broke out.

Tom Daschle spoke to the nation on the steps of the Capitol with fellow leaders and said, “We, Republicans and Democrats, member of the House and Senate, stand strongly united behind the president and will work together to ensure that the full resources of the government are brought to bear in these efforts.”

At baseball games, a new song was introduced during the 7^th inning stretch.  In addition to the traditional campy song about peanuts and cracker jax, tens of thousands  of people stood up, removed their hats and sang God Bless America.  And meant it.

Neighbors checked on each other.  Churches were filled.  Friends who might have gotten preoccupied with their lives now met in each other’s houses to simply – talk. 

Click here to view the embedded video.

We cried together and stood together with resolve.  Politics seemed insignificant.  Irrelevant.  Petty.  In a moment, reality came into focus, as did our reliance on each other.

The lesson of 9/11 is how small and vulnerable we are individually.  The lesson of 9/12 is how strong we are together.

9/11 is a day we shouldn’t forget.  Nor would we.  But more importantly, I hope we never forget 9/12.

After much debate, we realized that we had gotten sucked into a web of business speak and immediately used the two day off-site meeting (except the team-building ropes course) to develop the following list of banned cliches and descriptions within the office:

Thinking outside the box.  

A passive/aggressive phrase meant to insinuate that the listener was stuck in a limited way of thinking, while the speaker had achieved a level of business enlightenment not seen since the dalai lama.  Or Steve Jobs.

Throw under the bus.  

This was a cute phrase 15 years ago, but now it’s just gotten plain silly.  While I’m sure it’s just a lame business cliche, I still feel a need to stay an extra step away from the curb when a Greyhound goes by.

At the end of the day. 

An incredible song from Les Miserables, but when used in a meeting, it just makes people “more miserables”.

“Anything” 2.0.

At one point, calling something 2.0 meant that you were ultra-hip, knew what was next, and were obviously more plugged in than those stuck in the hopelessly outdated 1.0 realm.  Fortunately, we nixed our Blog 2.0 planning meeting just in time.

I’m just sayin’. 

While not confined to the business world, this was meant as a universal way to negate the offensive comment that you just said.  As an example, “Wow Jimmy, those sunglasses are so huge that your nose looks normal-sized.  I’m just sayin’.”  It’s like a more modern version of the old Southern stand-by, “Oh, bless your heart”.

There’s no ‘I’ in Team.  

Seriously?  We’re using spelling now for motivation?  Although there’s no “I” in team, there is a “me”, “am”, “eat” and “meat”.  Not sure if that means anything, but based on spelling, I think the team should go out for a burger.

The customer is always right.

Perhaps, no cliche has created more confusion with 17-year-old supervisors at fast food restaurants. The fact is, customers can be very, very wrong, and automatically siding with abusive or unreasonable customers over employees is never a good idea.  But, we must note, if you find a young manager who actually believes this, you usually can get some free french fries out of the deal.

It is what it is.

This brings redundancy – and repeating yourself by saying the same thing twice – to new levels and plateaus. It’s a more polite way of saying, “I just don’t care about that issue anymore so let’s stop talking about it”.

Get our ducks in a row. 

I’ve tried this. It doesn’t work. They keep walking around.

The elephant in the room.  

Or as an honorable mention, eating the elephant one bite at a time.  Or a zebra doesn’t change its stripes and speaking of the purple cow.  Any way you look at it, I’m pretty sure most business people are day dreaming of being at the zoo when in meetings.

We do note that this list could get exhaustively long, but as a general rule of thumb, we recommend that you never use in conversation any title of a business book more than ten years old or risk a conference room full of eye rolling.

Yeah – that’s how it’s supposed to work.

Until this week.  Our point of reference moved, and it wasn’t supposed to.  The universal constant, the figurative and literal basis of everything we see, changed.  The ground moved.  A 5.8 earthquake on the East Coast.  That doesn’t happen.

Then a hurricane hit the Northeast.  The US AAA credit rating is lost.  Steve Jobs isn’t leading Apple.  Cell phone networks stopped working.   The stock market is unstable.  Lady Gaga is wearing more normal clothes.

Our points of reference are off.  If all of society had a GPS, the nice, robotic lady is saying, “recalculating”.

While we’re waiting for a new map to come up, we need to find a new constant.  Something more predictable than the ground.  And Lady Gaga.

Where’s the cape?

Congressional Super Committee Self Portrait

As part of the debt limit negotiations, Congress formed a “Super Committee”.  Yes, you heard that right – the Super Committee. If you aren’t exactly sure what the Super Committee is, think of it as the “Anti-Democracy Task Force”.  Come to think of it, my marketing degree is telling me “Super Committee” sounds better.

So here’s how it works.  Each of four congressional leaders will choose three of their favorite congresspeople (or ones that have legs that would look good in superhero tights) to find cuts in the budget. Then here’s the anti-democratic part – there are triggers to automatically slash the budget indiscriminately if the Regular Congress (aka Mortal Congress) doesn’t quickly rubber stamp the Super Committee decisions. So, if you aren’t lucky enough to have your representative on the Super Committee, your voice in Congress just got much, much smaller.

AAA+, AA+ or 9 Volt?

Then, the credit rating company, Standard & Poor’s, in a massive, righteous, self-promoting power trip on a Brad Pitt scale, decided to change the nation’s battery size.  Or moved the nation’s membership from the American Automobile Association to Alcoholics Anonymous. Actually, we’re not exactly sure what it means, but we were AAA+ and now are AA+.  Either way, it still sounds like a grade I would have liked to get on any test in high school.

But in retrospect, although they admit they made a $2 trillion math error in their analysis, S&P is  sticking by their rating. $2 trillion dollars! Let me put this in a real world example to make it more understandable.  Suppose  I was a cashier and you came to my line in Starbucks and bought a Caramel Machiato for $3.95 and gave me a $10 bill.  And I gave you $2 trillion dollars in change.

So, as a result, we at MullerOver have decided to downgrade Standard & Poor’s credibility rating from AAA to 9-Volt.  Sorry S&P. You started it.

China threatens to ground the United States

Finally, it wouldn’t be a week of Loony Tunes if our friends in China didn’t chime in.  The world’s worst offenders in human rights and environmental issues decided to lecture the United States on being responsible.  And, as part of their rant, China demanded that the United States reduce the size of its military.  In similar news, American prison inmates demanded to have less prison guards and shorter walls.

In conclusion …

But, the world is different now.  We have a new debt ceiling and really complicated legislation. We did something that should be good for us, but as a nation, we  still feel unsatisfied. I guess in a way, we just ate that grilled chicken salad at McDonalds.

From the U.S. World Cup Soccer Team, Abby Wambach (aka Wonder Woman) used her head in conquering country after country like Napoleon.  No – she really used her head with repeated headers into the goal.  Her cranial aptitude led some to wonder if she knows she’s allowed to use her feet.  Legend has it that on her first soccer team as a child, Abby scored 27 goals in her first three games, causing league officials to immediately move her to the boys team.  And she’s continued her domination from Pittsford, NY to a global scale, with a header in the final seconds of the semi-finals to propel the team to the Championship.

Then, there was Cat Woman, Wendi Deng Murdoch, who smelled danger.  And danger probably smelled like a cream pie.  During testimony by her media mogul husband Rupert Murdoch before Parliament, a “comedian” tried to make headlines and boost his career by throwing a pie at the octogenarian Murdoch.  Comedian is in quotes because typically that title is reserved for people who are funny.  Anyway, straight out of something from Gotham City, Wendi Murdoch leaped to her feet like a crouching tiger and slapped the attacker down like a champion whack-a-mole player.  As someone posted on Twitter, I wonder when Rupert Murdoch was 38 years old if he knew there was a newborn baby in China who would one day save his life.  Or his suit.

Crouching Tiger, Wendi Murdoch

And finally, on top of the week of  superheros, we again found that one person we once thought was a superhero, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is actually slightly less manly than a five-year-old girl. After humiliating his wife, Maria Shriver, by having a secret child 14 years ago with their housekeeper, Arnold this week filed a petition to not support his wife financially after the divorce.  And his petition says that she should pay for half of the legal fees for the divorce that he caused.

But the pathetic Arnold does serve a purpose.  In comparison, Wendi and Abby seem all the more amazing.  Now we just need Wendi to show Maria Shriver how that right hook works.

But – now that the lawyers aren’t listening anymore, that’s basically what he meant.  

We’re down to the wire, and according to Timmy G., the nation’s money guy, our really big Visa card from China will hit the credit limit on August 2, and we’re on the phone with the card’s customer service department telling Mable why she should raise our credit limit.

If we told Mable that we need more money or we won’t be able to see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend with extra butter on the popcorn, she might sort of balk.  But if we told her that our cute, miniature schnauzer puppy is starving and we need to get dog food, well then, maybe we’d get somewhere.

It’s all about the positioning you see.  It’s hitting people where they’re most vulnerable.

So, President Obama didn’t go on national TV to saythat we might not have enough money to pay the defense contractor, Haliburton. or pay for billions in foreign aid to Pakistan.  That just make us want to hit the debt limit faster.

No, the line is when we run out of money on August 2, then on August 3 your grandma won’t get her Social Security check and her dog starves.  Think about grandma.  No – think about her cute puppy, Buster.  

OK- back to reality.  This isn’t about the debt limits.  It’s about jaw dropping, impeachable, gross fiscal incompetency in our leaders (both parties) on a mind-blowing, epic scale.  Like the movie Thelma and Louise, the creditor police are after us while we’re driving towards a cliff.  Rather than stopping and facing the consequences, our elected leaders have decided over the past year to hold hands, close their eyes, and push the accelerator.  Maybe somehow, more road will appear.

What if  in response, we went down to Washington and told our leaders in Congress and the White House that if we find out Grandma’s dog loses one pound, or even hints of a whimper for being hungry, then the Congress gets it in the next election.

See, it’s all about the positioning.

Consider little league sports.  It’s about fun.  And ice cream with sprinkles.  And obligatory, hollow plastic trophies at the end of the season.You can see the hope in their eyes.

And then, between that innocence and when they retire, something changes.  The ice cream with sprinkles isn’t the motivator it once was.

For example, today, the NBA announced it was cutting 11% of its workforce, pointing to a (possibly manufactured) financial problem with the owners.  And the owners are threatening to lockout the players.   The NFL is in jeopardy of canceling the 2011 season while players demand more money. And the Major League Baseball stars who should be honored to be part of the All Star Game seem to all have debilitating “soreness” so they can’t play, or at least until the stats are counted again.

Somewhere, it got out of hand and it feels like it came to a head this week.  The glimmer of fun and hope in the players eyes has gone dark. Stadiums owned by Jerry Jones and the Steinbrenners are turning from parks to small cities with budgets to match.  Players are no longer sportsmen; they’re entrepreneurs.  They’re bargainers looking for the best deal possible.  They’re Lebron James.

I once heard that you should never take money for something you love to do, or else you might not love it anymore.

But, then looking beyond the players and owners counting their piles of fan’s money, there’s  a real sport.  With real athletes.  And real passion for excellence.  It’s women’s soccer.

Puffy clouds of arrogance visibly leaking from the back of Dwayne Wade's head

This week, some of the most exciting soccer the United States has seen in a decade happened.  And it wasn’t about endorsements, or hundred million dollar contracts, or putting personal stats ahead of their teams.

It was 21 incredibly talented athletes who had little on their mind except winning, representing their country, and having fun.

Many in women’s professional soccer make under $20,000 per year and work second jobs.  Because it’s not about the money.  It’s a love of the game, and the incredible honor to do something they love beyond graduation.

Yes, this week men’s sports are in trouble.  But, there’s a team that exemplifies everything you would have expected from those kids after 20 years of practice.  It’s the USA Women’s Soccer Team.

And it’s truly sports at its best.

Just look in their eyes.

If only Sally just had something like a button which the audience could press to say they like her. In 1984, that was ridiculous. But in 2011, that’s life.

It’s the “Like” button on Facebook.  A virtual scoreboard bringing all the sensibilities and social discernment of a Jr. High cafeteria into adulthood and serves as the very basis of Social Media.  We can see what other people like so we can like that too.  Or “digg”, or “+1″.

Now, pretty much everything on the planet has a like score.  35 million people like Eminem, but only 33 million like Lady Gaga.  Ooh – smarts!  22 million like Vin Diesel.  Really?  But only 21,203 like the “Like Button” on Facebook.  Hmm – ironic.

And driving by a Mennonite shed builder this week, I was taken by a very large sign asking people to “like” them on Facebook.

The world has become a popularity contest, and everything now has a number.  This could be a remarkably efficient way to rank and rate pretty much everything – from diet soda brands to the Casey Anthony jury. Then again, popularity doesn’t isn’t necessarily the end goal.  Or shouldn’t be.

Case in point – according to Facebook, 22,980 people “like” Charles Manson, and 10,077 people like Sally Field.  Sorry Sally – maybe a “like” score wasn’t such a good idea after all.

But – there is something far more important that we don’t talk about enough.  It’s dads.  I also looked up the definition of “dad” in the dictionary, and with respect to Mr. Merriam and Mr. Webster, it’s woefully inadequate.  So, in order to help out the dictionary industry, here’s how I think a “dad” should be defined.

A dad provides physical, financial, and emotional stability, regardless of the storm around the family.

A dad respects, honors, and defends the mother of his children, even if they’re not married.

When a child is hurt, he or she doesn’t wonder if their dad is on his way.  They know it.

A dad cries with his kids’ sorrow, and rejoices with their triumphs.

A dad is far more proud of  his kids’ accomplishments than his own.

A dad knows the moment to let go, when provide balance, and when to carry to safety.  Whether teaching to a five-year-old to ride a bike or a fifteen-year-old to become an adult.

A dad is willing to show his vulnerabilities to his kids so they can understand their own limitations.

A dad teaches and demonstrates integrity, both when they’re watching and when they’re not.

A dad is willing to resort to ridiculous antics to make his kids laugh when they’re down.

A dad fervently prays for his kids, realizing his own wisdom and abilities are far inadequate

A dad realizes that in his kid’s eyes, he has a greater and more noble calling that that of a king.  And knows the responsibility should be held in an equally high regard.

A dad is painfully aware that he consistently falls short of the ideal standard of being a dad, but resolves to close the gap between the ideal and reality.

Frankly, I don’t care about Father’s Day.  Let’s let Hallmark have that.  Today, let’s celebrate “Dad’s Day”.

[Happy Dad's Day, Dad]